August 27, 2010
Simple Gestures of Solace
Offering Comfort
www.dailyom.com
Sometimes just being with somebody, rather than words, is all that is needed to help.

Sometimes it is difficult to see someone we love struggling, in pain, or hurting. When this happens, we might feel like we need to be proactive and do something to ease their troubles. While others may want our help, it is important to keep in mind that we need to be sensitive to what they truly want in the moment, since it can be all too easy to get carried away and say or do more than is really needed. Allowing ourselves to let go and simply exist in the present with another person may actually provide a greater amount of comfort and support than we could ever imagine.

Perhaps we can think back to a time when we were upset and needed a kind word, hug, or listening ear from someone else. As we remember these times, we might think of the gestures of kindness that were the most healing. It may have been gentle words such as “I care about you,” or the soothing presence of someone holding us and not expecting anything that were the most consoling. When we are able to go back to these times it becomes easier for us to keep in mind that giving advice or saying more than is really necessary is not always reassuring. What is truly comforting for another is not having someone try to fix them or their problems, but to just be there for them. Should we begin to feel the urge arise to offer advice or repair a situation, we can take a few deep breaths, let the impulse pass, and bring our attention back to the present. Even though we may want to do more, we do not have to do anything other than this to be a good friend.

The more we are attuned to what our loved ones are feeling, the more capable we are of truly giving what is best for them in their hour of need. Keeping things simple helps us give the part of ourselves that is capable of the greatest amount of compassion—open ears and an understanding heart.

http://blogmaverick.com/2010/08/25/the-best-investment-advice-you-will-ever-get/
Aug 25th 2010 9:24AM

I’m going to simplify what I consider to be the best investment advice I have ever been given and share it with you. Here you go:

1. If you have any credit card or other type of consumer debt on which you pay 5pct or more interest, pay it off. Compound interest is your enemy. The chances of you earning more on your money than you are paying in consumer interest rates are slim. Pay it off.

2. Cash is King. Now that Madoff is in jail, no investment can offer returns with zero risk. If you don’t fully understand the risks of an investment you are contemplating, it’s ok to do nothing. In times of massive uncertainty like we are facing today, doing nothing is a valid and IMHO preferable investment strategy. Just put your money in the bank.

3. Cash Creates Transactional Returns. What does this mean ? It means that you should analyze what you spend money on over the course of a year. You will get a better return on your money by being a smart shopper and taking advantage of cash, quantity or other types of discounts than you will in the stock market. Saving 15pct on the $1k dollars worth of items you know you will absolutely spend money on is a better return on your money than making 15pct in a year on a $1k investment because you don’t pay taxes on it.

If you have under 100k dollars in liquid assets, your net worth will be higher in one year if you follow this advice than if you follow ANY other investment advice any broker or banker will give you this year.

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2010/08/prevent_taking_a_bad_day_home.html

Prevent Taking a Bad Day Home with this Simple Step

Feeling frustrated at work, especially late in the day? Most of us feel this way from time to time. The challenge is what to do about it.

Do what competitive divers do: get up on the diving board and execute a dive in which you excel. Then call it quits for the day.

That advice was given to my daughter, a drop-in diver in a collegiate program. She was a competitive diver in her teens; now that she’s taken up the sport again, she’s struggling to regain her peak form. Diving is a discipline that requires a combination of athleticism, timing, and more than a touch of grace, not to mention strong nerves with equal parts will power.

One day she had hit wall and was about to leave when her coach pulled her aside and said, “You can leave now if you like, but instead of leaving in state of frustration, why don’t you finish practice with a dive you know you do well?” My daughter followed her advice and ended up finishing practice feeling much better about herself and her abilities.

And that’s exactly what us non-divers need to do at the end of our frustrating day. Things do go wrong, whether as the result of our own mistakes or from those of others, or from a system or process that failed. And whatever the cause, tension builds. To prevent that stress from ruining our evening, or the next day, it’s good to find ways to dissipate it. Doing so at work — before you head home — is a good first step. Here are some suggestions.

Take a deep breath. Hold it for a moment and exhale. Do this several times. (For specifics on the right way to take a deep, diaphragmatic breath, see this newsletter from Harvard Health Publications.) Close your eyes if you like, or look at a picture of your spouse or kids or something that makes you smile. Clear your mind of the frustration you were feeling.

Now pick something easy to do. Whether it’s sending off a report, reconciling a balance sheet, or replying to a few straightforward emails, cross off an item on your to-do list that doesn’t require much thought. The very process will tend to slow your heart rate and give you a sense of ownership of what you are doing. Doubt me? Try it.

Get up and leave. Once you have completed the task — and are hopefully feeling better — exit promptly. Do not check your email one last time. Do not linger to see who else is hanging around. Do not check Facebook. Just leave — gracefully, and with a smile on your face. The onerous work will be there tomorrow, but for the moment flush it from your memory. For now, just go.

Of course, we know that not all of these simple steps will work all of the time. There will be times when you will leave work feeling frustrated, and not a little angry. And if you do find yourself often feeling more frustrated than satisfied, these techniques will not solve your larger issues with your job. You may need to find a new line of work, or a new employer.

Feeling frustrated, especially when we work with others and especially in these times of scarcity, is natural. The challenge for those of us who want to do our best is to not let the little things get us down. At day’s end, we, like my daughter, need to do one more dive that makes us feel good about ourselves.

Let’s start from the beginning and the end and work our way to the middle, where all of the people our age currently reside. Life, begins and ends with each one of us being alone….if you really think about it. Its only in as we work towards and from the middle at our peak of connectedness do we sometimes lose sight of ourselves as a singular person. Among those times we disguise ourselves with our career label, Friends labels, family labels and those the world graciously or ungraciously fling upon us. In short, we lose sight of humility….which one much more articulate author than me would describe as the absence of arrogance or being without a self serving agenda. You could say these are times when we embrace the inconvenience and tragedies of others, and realize the only way to move forward in your singular life is to serve the life of others.

I find it interesting to watch and read the lives of some of the most wealthy and successful people of our time. It has become apparent, that those who embraces philanthropy, the serving of others and their community, seem in the end to be most well esteemed, remembered, happy and peaceful when they are on their way to or have left us…alone.

Often for people have lost their path or are re evaluating their purpose, friends and supporters will refer them back to take in the uninhibited smile and curiosity of a child and to recall how they felt and what they wanted to do at that age. If fully embraced, it rarely fails. Why? Because at the beginning, when alone, finding their way with intelligent curiosity there were no labels, stigmas or disguises to interfere with pure uninhibited joy an discovery. Of course, as Mahatma Gandhi says, after working through a myriad of challenges, stresses and learning’s in the end, you will find yourself all alone, tired and intelligently curious about what happens next…and it’s not important how or what you did to get there, but it’s important that you did!

Try something with me:

Write down a quick list of words that describe your current feelings about yourself. Just do it quickly, jot them down (better on paper or on computer) and in your head of you must. Could be 5-6 things. ie. Strong, passionate, Melancholy, indifferent, open, etc. Then review and look at those that do not come from a positive angle. Think back to situations through your life where they may not have been as helpful as other perspectives you could have come from. Think about all the opportunities there could have been to stack positive perspectives, experiences and memories. I just wrote mine out right here….and copied them into somewhere for review later. Then take the energy of emptiness and turn it into opportunity for the future….and read below.

May 20, 2010 – From DailyOM

Waiting for Someday
If today is the day you will take your destiny into your hands, you will soon discover that you hold the keys of fate.

The time we are blessed with is limited and tends to be used up all too quickly. How we utilize that time is consequently one of the most important decisions we make. Yet it is far too easy to put off until tomorrow what we are dreaming of today. The hectic pace of modern existence affords us an easy out; we shelve our aspirations so we can cope more effectively with the challenges of the present, ostensibly to have more time and leisure to realize our purpose in the future. Or we tell ourselves that we will chase our dreams someday once we have accomplished other lesser goals. In truth, it is our fear that keeps us from seeking fulfillment in the here and now—because we view failure as a possibility, our reasons for delaying our inevitable success seem sound and rational. If we ask ourselves what we are really waiting for, however, we discover that there is no truly compelling reason why we should put off the pursuit of the dreams that sustain us.

When regarded as a question, “Why not now?” drains us of our power to realize our ambitions. We are so concerned with the notion that we are somehow undeserving of happiness that we cannot see that there is much we can do in the present to begin courting it. Yet when we look decisively at our existence and state, “Why not now, indeed!” we are empowered to begin changing our lives this very moment. We procrastinate for many reasons, from a perceived lack of time to a legitimate lack of self-belief, but the truth of the matter is that there is no time like the present and no time but the present. Whatever we aim to accomplish, we will achieve it more quickly and with a greater degree of efficiency when we seize the day and make the most of the resources we have at our disposal presently.

All the joy, passion, and contentment you can envision can be yours right now, rather than in some far-flung point in time. You need only remind yourself that there is nothing standing between you and fulfillment. If you decide that today is the day you will take your destiny into your hands, you will soon discover that you hold the keys of fate.

by Tom Johnston, President/CEO SearchPath HCS

A few months ago I wrote a couple articles about my thoughts on the New A Player. The main points were about definition, but recently I was thinking about a little more practical aspect, which is How to become an A player. The concept of improvement and growth to help our development is the core of achieving recognition as a top performer.

My 8 year old son is a wrestler. He has been competing for a few years and he is pretty good. One of his main competitive advantages is that he is a very small , but aggressive, kid. He does not even weigh 50 pounds. Many of the kids he wrestles are younger and not as experienced. Over the last few weeks he has been doing very well, winning all of his matches, most of them with fairly quick pins. He thinks he is the greatest in the world, which is nice, but, if he consistently wrestles and wins, is he challenging himself? Is he learning anything? Is he getting better? The answer is not really. As I thought about this, I remembered a presentation a good friend of mine made and he talked about he continually grew and developed as a professional. He always pushed himself beyond where he was comfortable, he ‘wrestled up’.

I am currently “debating” with my son’s mom about the concept of voluntarily moving my son up into the “grueling” 55 pound weight class. It would force him to compete with bigger, stronger and more experienced wrestlers. It will challenge him and ultimately make him a better wrestler.

This concept is key to anyone that wants to improve, grow, develop, and get better…. ‘Wrestle Up’. If you consistently stay where you’re comfortable and confident, you will never grow and develop. Find challenges; push yourself beyond your comfort zone. It may be uncomfortable, maybe you will get pinned, but I guarantee you will get better and grow.

Stay tuned about my son, we are still “discussing” it, but knowing my son, with a bit of encouragement, I am confident I can challenge him to take on those monstrous 55 pounders and I bet he might even beat a few of them …….
By Tom Johnston, President/CEO SearchPath HCS

Its wedding season….and I usually have one wedding a summer, which is just about the right amount. I would call this wedding ACT 2, as we (our group of friends) had a similar and of course very unique wedding last summer for the same group of friends and in fact the sister of the groom for this one. Again, this one did not disappoint. A marvelous time!! Since I rambled on for many pages on the last one, I won’t on this one. It was full of GREAT speeches, humor, fun and characters. Throughout the evening I heard a couple references to magic moments, which for this couple Saturday night was one…and there would be many more to come.

However, on this night whether it was during speeches or casual conversations with friends and parents, the comments related to friends and friendship. There was a noticeable young contingent at the wedding, a close knit group along with the loving families. It wasn’t only noticed by me. In the few conversations I had with our elder statesmen, they marvelled how strong bonds had been created at such a young age, and how we did not yet know how over time, how very important they would become. Maybe its a generation thing, or maybe its something not yet appreciated at an earlier age. It was just one of those moments when you look into some one’s eye’s, the crease in their brow, the tone of words falling of their tongue, that you know they know…and you best listen.

To those of you who have great friends today, think about the power of “lifelong” friends, those who will be with you on the road to and at the end.

To our friends who are in their cosmic bubble on their way to Thailand for festive celebrations, we wish them well. We value their friendship, their kindness and look forward to creating many more magic moments when they return.

Opening scene: Picture a mother in her early 30’s. She doesn’t look like a mom. Think corporate sheik in a bustling city center with tall glass buildings and traffic all around (Vancouver in this case). She’s talking on cell phone. Normally decisive and confident in the board room, she now looks nervous. There’s a concerned wrinkle in her forehead, and a slight squint in her eyes. Her look is mixed with nerves, fear and apology. “The daycare just called and Hayden has a fever. They need you to pick her up right away.”

A split screen now shows a rushed, disorganized, middle (lower) management type who is trying his best not to sound frustrated or selfish. He does not want to worry his wife by saying how overwhelmingly busy his day is, much less end the day now with a full inbox and calendar. Wake up, he tells himself, this is parenthood. “No problem. I’ll leave right now.” He hangs up, packs up his laptop, and tells 3 consecutive people on the way out that he will need to reschedule their meetings.

Cut to the aforementioned and stunningly handsome star of this clumsy comedy rushing to his car and facing the reality that he has never seen his daughter really sick before. Needless to say, he’s never taken care of a sick baby. His wife knows about this stuff, not him. How do you treat a fever? How do you even define it? Apparently sick kids don’t want to eat, but it’s only 3:00, she has to eat something. What if she doesn’t? How does one find out? Google better be ready because the leading role has many questions that need answers.

The most alert readers may have already determined that this movie is about my day today. Keep in mind that this is the type of cheesy, innocent, feel good comedy that would normally star Steve Martin or Robin Williams or Chevy Chase. In my case I think Ice Cube would play the role of me. Just like Cube, it has been years since I rocked a mic on stage. Like Cube, I’m more likely to be seen with a Baby Bjorn than a Raiders hat. I don’t have a ’72 Cadillac with hydraulics but the shocks on my pimped out Bugaboo stroller are pretty sweet.

I have to stress that this movie is not based on a true story. It IS a true story even though it follows the most predictable comedy script ever. Of course I (switching to first person since I just decided I’ve been cooler than Ice Cube since 1994) was franticly trying to get her to stop crying by singing her the most ridiculous songs (Raffi, Springsteen and Notorious BIG) while trying to cook dinner. Of course the pot on the stove caught fire (no joke!) and sent me into panic mode. Of course the fire alarm went off and sent my daughter into panic mode. When the smoke literally cleared, of course she was throwing her food everywhere and had more mashed potatoes in her hair than her stomach and plate combined. The night went on and on in this fashion.

Fade to black.

The screen reads “48 hours earlier”. My wife and I are having dinner together but not talking. We’re stressed. It’s been tough lately. She’s back at work. We’re trying not to be frustrated with each other. We’re trying not to admit that this is a really tough lifestyle adjustment. We’re shopping for a new house so I sure as hell don’t want to give any bright ideas and point out how much easier it was before she went back to work. We’re stressed. This type of silence isn’t peaceful.

Cut back to my daughter Hayden’s bedroom. I’m getting her ready for bed, reading a story and she points to a picture of a mom hugging her baby and says “Mama”. I tell her “That’s right. Your Mama will be home soon to give us both a big hug.” Hayden twisted around and gave me a big hug and kiss. She only learned to hug in the past week so I have yet to take a single hug from her for granted. It was the best conversation we’ve had yet.

So before I roll the credits, for those who have hung in and have read this far but are asking “what’s the point?”…..the point is perspective. The past 5 weeks have been more stressful than they ever needed to be. I’ve taken my stress out on people I work with, friends, family, my wife and my daughter. I haven’t been myself. There are people who would give anything to have my “problems” instead of theirs. It took some alone time with Hayden and a well timed hug to realize it. A couple weeks ago there was a post called 51 Ways to Cope With Stress (http://thesocialcommunity.com/?p=958). I would include these in the special features of my DVD release, especially #51. The background music would be “It Was a Good Day” by none other than my equal, Ice Cube.

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Good News of the Day:

9-year-old Neha started off selling handmade greeting cards and wine charms. Now, at 13, her nonprofit has raised $30,000 for orphans in India. 10-year-old Kelly invented the T-Pack (a fanny pack worn on the thigh). Now a millionaire, she teaches entrepreneurship to children, and is an author on the side. Oh, and she’s 18. With the internet providing easy access to business innovation websites like StartUpNation.com and Young Entrepreneur, standing on the shoulders of giants has never been so easy. The result? Kids tapping into their creativity, and making a difference.

http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=4092

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Be The Change:
Help a child explore his or her own creativity today.

Parents: Don’t get caught in the get it done faster trap…at least not all the time.
by Janet Tarzia
-New York

My 2 boys, 9 & 10, are a part of a 2 working parent family. Dad is in retail – aka works 7 days a week and holidays. And mom (that would be me) commutes to NYC daily. Between baseball games, acting classes, homework, and a 15-20 minute dinner at night, we find ourselves constantly struggling to find time for life’s lessons. This spring I decided that they are of age to begin working in the yard. Even though we have a routine service, what better way to teach the values of working and earning money, while mom and dad get to save a few bucks as well.

We were blessed (not really) with a terrible few rain/wind storms that knocked down plenty of branches down on our half acre yard. So Sunday morning after breakfast we ventured into the yard with the goal of picking up sticks, putting them on a tarp and dragging the tarp to the street where our city services picks them up. I had planned our day and allocated about 2 hours to this task.

I set the two off with a few basic directions and started to trim back a few shrubs myself glancing back at the pair every so many minutes. Of course boys are boys and in the yard, I suppose they must play a bit. But then about 30 minutes into the routine, I started counting how many sticks they were picking up and counted about 4-5 a minute in between jumping on rocks, throwing the sticks and playing with each other. At that rate, we may be done by next fall. So my natural inclination was to fall into the get it done faster trap. I started helping and showing them how to do it quickly and finally as I continued, I noticed that they completely came to a halt and were busy on the swings.

What just happened? I fell into my own 2 hour trap and wanted to get it done. I stopped to re-evaluate my schedule for the day and determined that I probably could allocate more time to this task. So that is what I did for the sake of the lesson. I put them back on task and told them we’d have lunch once they were finished. I returned to my trimming and as they got hungrier they amazingly did work faster. They accomplished quite a bit for the next hour and a half and then I helped them for the last 30 minutes.

BTW this isn’t the first time I have caught myself falling into the trap. I used to fold and put away their clothes. Now they are experts at it (while complaining for every one of those 300 seconds). And while I find it helps me, the best thing is what it teaches them.